And I cried

Today i pinged one of my school time friend on orkut’s chat window, which generally I don’t do . We were asking each other about our present jobs, girlfriends ( which both of us have none ), families etc. Then suddenly he gave me his phone number and asked me to call him, or give my phone number to him so that he can call ( A lot of people have tried this to me, but generally I never used to respond).
To my surprise, I called him and during our conversation I found out that he was in touch with a lot of people from school. I casually told him that I think only I am the person who was not in touch with anybody from school( and not even from college. By the way I never attended college regularly. But that’s for some other time). He asked me why I never tried calling anybody from school.I didn’t reply.
After the call I started thinking about this and to my amazement I found that I was so concerned with my speech that I forgot everything and to me life’s only purpose was just to have a perfect speech, that’s it! , nothing else. I had zoomed in, so much on my stammer, that i couldn’t see anything else.
And I started crying, thinking what I had done to myself.I don’t blame my stammer but my attitude towards my stammer. I used to think, I will call all my friends once I have that perfect fluency. But today I stammered a lot with my friend, I told him that I stammer myself and work for people who stammer and we shared some good laugh too while we recollected some of the old school memories.I used to think I shouldn’t talk to any of my past friends because if I go back in past, I will also have to go to some of the embarrassing moments as well and it will undo whatever amount I have changed. But I was wrong. Talking to my friend helped me bring out my suppressed emotions.
If any person who stammers, is reading this, please don’t focus all your attention to your stammering, there are many other things in life and don’t think i will go for an MBA or call my old friends or get married when I will have total fluency, because believe me that is not required.I am not asking you to stop working on your fluency but that can go side by side while you enjoy your life. Everything shouldn’t not stop to gain fluency .

(As I have had these experiences at a great personal cost, I am not posting this anonymously!)

P.S: I called Sachin ( he is my guru ) after this and cried again & again and believe me, I will call each one of my old friends, and won’t loose out on any more moments in my life.

10 Comments

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  1. Sachin 8 years ago

    Dear JP- you are a GREAT chela of a GREAT guru 🙂
    sachin

  2. Sachin 8 years ago

    The above comment was a joke- that is not the relationship I ever had in mind. To me, you are and will be a friend, ever. God bless you!

  3. Linpaws 8 years ago

    Thanks, JP!

    Here's something I came across recently:

    "If I wait to be
    perfect
    before I love myself
    I will always be
    unsatisfied
    and ungrateful

    if I wait until
    all the flaws, chips,
    and cracks disappear
    I will be the cup
    that stands on the shelf
    and is never used" – Joyce Rupp

  4. Pam 8 years ago

    Wow, what a beautiful post. Good for you to have the courage to show your emotions.

    I had a similiar experience, last week, when a stuttering friend reached out to me to talk about her feelings. She cried, and felt safe enough to do that.

    How wonderfulwhen we can do that for each other.

  5. Pam 8 years ago

    My post I wrote abou that is here, in case anyone would be interested. Stuttering and tears is universal.

    http://stutterrockstar.wordpress.com/2009/08/31/someone-who-sounds-like-me/

  6. Akash 8 years ago

    Thumbs up to JP 🙂

  7. aativas 8 years ago

    Very touching experience JP…

  8. admin 8 years ago

    JP, nice article, for a moment, i recalled all of those nicest things i missed in life.
    life is just like a cup of coffee. After finishing the coffee, you find some sugar at the bottom undissolved 🙂

    don't let that happen to y(our) life !

  9. Joyce 8 years ago

    HI JP

    Great story and truly written from the heart. Thanks for sharing your story so that all of us can learn.

    Joyce

  10. Anonymous 8 years ago

    Dear Jai.
    I have also feel same situation in my life. Thanks for giving words for that situation.

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