At first a quick apology to all the people “Stutterers” whom i promised to e-mail the contacts and ids of the participants of the NC. Sorry Guys and Elaine mam!! I was stuck with some stuffs and you will get the contacts on your e-mail id as soon as possible.
Since 28th of last month, there have been two different worlds out there for me i.e. the one with the stutterers ( from 28th Dec to 2nd of this month) and the other one, right from moment (2nd Jan) i left the IHS Campus Bhubaneshwar. Let’s say the former one as W1 and the latter one as W2. In W1 it was like, i don’t have to pretend neither do i have to hide the way i talk, whether it be me saying प.. प.. प.. प Pramendra or just Pramendra , but as soon as i was in W2, it was like Oh My God why do i have to say प.. प.. प.. प Pramendra, why can’t i manage with some thing else?? Why does everyone have to bear an extra 2 or 3 sec for me or to be more correct “of me”. In W1 i never missed an opportunity to express myself (means whenever possible), but then later in W2 it was like, “okay leave it!!” why do i have to explain myself or these things, to people who are dumb.
But these two different worlds have shown me that what I am and whatever may be the reason or the cause I am bound by my instincts. I took acceptance of my stuttering as a challenge, that let’s see how much i can push myself, what are my limits and by what extent i can further push them off. In this regard, i went to my place i told my mom that, look mom i stutter and you also know this. I don’t have any problem with this because i no longer consider it as a problem , it will be very nice of you, if you also don’t consider as a problem because it isn’t, it is just the way i talk and i am not afraid that what people will think of me or do think of me. I know it was very hard on her because since childhood nobody discussed my stuttering and out of the blue i am asking her to be okay with it, but she was quite supportive and she said i was always okay with it and still i am. Then i discussed it with my friends and not so surprisingly they where also okay with it, although few were shocked about, me using the word Hakla for myself and other fellow stutterers more frequently, which they used to call me for teasing.
Still, down somewhere there is a kid who wants to hide it out, for example i am not able to use the bouncing technique as i frequently used it in IHS. I am still uncomfortable when i get stuck, which i wasn’t back there in IHS. Even if my brain says that i have to use bouncing because the fear is still out there, i never end up doing it. As far as i think it is the instinct which i have developed in past 20 years (that i have to hide my stuttering) is coming in my way but the thing is now i am enjoying this because (as in Late Steve Jobs words) i have now started figuring out the dots of my life and i think, i just have to be patient and confident in what i do and one day down the road even on the well worn path the dots will connect and that will all make the difference.