I wanted to talk… I wanted to talk like everyone does…. “Want”…. that want was getting over me.. 🙁 … I was getting mad for fluency…. I was searching for “Solution” over the internet… during that phase one of my teachers told me about “Acupuncture”… his intention was to help me… as I was mad behind “solution”, I decided to give a try…
I was unaware of the exact process. 😮 .. I took an appointment at one center. The person next to me was impatient and was not really willing to listen to me and he said you will be fluent after my session, he added his each session will cost 900 Rs each. which was I feel very high as I was a student at that time. Also without knowing about me how can he claim about my stammering. Hence I decided not to see him again. But that acupuncture was in my mind. I was considering it as a solution. I decided to have talked with my aunt about it. She is very understanding and friendly in nature. She said I will search if I can help you. so via her, I got to know about one center. I took an appointment, I went there… it was very crowded mostly aged people who have come for their joint pain problem. looking at crowded I was happy thinking I am at the right place.. 🙂 … At that time the person next to me was calm and patient he asked me about family background and etc normal information. At that time he didn’t claim that I will be fluent. he said it may work but you need to take this at least for a year. He said you will need to come twice a week for the session and each session will cost 700 Rs… as I was mad behind fluency I nodded and said ok. :\..
So torture begins.. 😮 …. It was the first session… it was crowded by aged people as usual. I paid fees at reception and was waiting for my turn. after 30 min wait approx I got my turn for torture I will say. I went inside. Inside there was an electric machine with each bed. I was already quite afraid. But the main story was yet to begin. The person came to me he was having some packets of needles and he literally pinned me with around 30 pins from head to toe, over my wrist, my chick, my legs, on the forehead, over lips, over the center of the head. :'( believe me, it was super painful and horrible. but it did not end there, he asked a nurse to attach those pins via wire to that machine and to pass current it went for an hour. Tears started to roll down over my chicks.. :'(… Many questions were rising in my mind “Why me??, Why in the whole world I am facing this??, etc etc…”.I never get answers but I never stop to questions..:o. After an hour of torture, it gets over finally. I was half dead and alone, I was missing my parents like hell who used to get the mini heart if I get pin prick and that time I was getting hurt by 30 pins at a time for an hour (I never told them procedure). I caught a bus for my hostel, a lady next me was staring at me, I ignored her and continued to stare at “nothing” outside through the bus window. After some time she was not able to control herself I guess and told me there is blood on the chick and over the wrist. I was too much indulge in my thoughts to notice them. I get the mini heart attack.LOL…. I wiped them quickly. Soon I get swollen, sensitive wrist. I was not able to eat as well properly but I continue this torture for around 6 months for the sake of fluency.
But it was height. It was not helping me and I was paying for this torture. the adverse effect I started to get conscious, I was becoming deep thinker unnecessarily..:(. One day I took the decision to stop it there only.
I stopped that but search for the solution was not ended there, I was in search for the solution.
Now somewhere I think I got the solution, we all are having the solution and it’s within us. It’s our self-confidence. Only we can increase it. You should:
1) Accept yourself as you are and remember we are rare, special and remember rare things are precious 😀
2) do not pressurize yourself for any word if you are getting block :
3) work over it calmly
4) try to socialize, meet your friends, do hangout , have fun 😀
5) do not avoid talking
6) Attend SHGs 🙂
most important if you are having a problem do have a talk with your parents, I did mistake by not being open with them. Now I feel It would have been easy if I would have talked with them.
So now, I do stammer, I have accepted it. but now I am not working on my stammering, I am working on my stammering mindset, trying to remove stage phobia, trying to talk more and more, and all focus on to increase my self-confidence which I had lost…