Stammering is a hard to explain and even harder for me because I am the one who stammers. Stammering is one of the biggest medical mysteries that is haunting the medical Science even today. There is no so-called cure for stammer and that is the bitter truth which is hard to accept. Its like living in a fantasy world where we, the PWS(People Who Stammer) use some encrypted language to communicate with other fellow PWS so that the non-stammerers around us dont understand what we are talking about. They(non stammerers) laugh at us when we stammer and we in turnlaugh at them because they dont know that we(stammerers) are members of a “secret league of extra ordinary people” who are very smart and sharp. Its amazing to spend some time in this fantasy world of stammerers. But finally we have to come out of this world of imaginations and face the real world which is the most difficult part of being a stammerer.
It all started when I was about 3 or 4 or Even I dont remember when? There were many other things around to concentrate on. I still remember when I was in 1st standard, my teachers always use to tell my parents that “your child doesn’t even speaks a single word in the class. Even when he is has to go to bathroom or toilet he will make some stupid and strange gestures rather than asking for it. At that time my teachers and parents were also unaware of the thing that was developing within me. Many years passed by and I was still the same guy who doesn’t wants to talk to anyone and even if the teachers asked some questions I would prefer to keep my mouth shut rather than stammering and getting embarrassed, although I was knowing the answer.
The schools days were over now and I entered into a college for my B.Tech or B.E. in computers.We stammerers are always good in knowledge and technical skills but when it comes to speaking or communications skills we always feel inferior to others. Same was the case with me in the college. Although I took active part in the seminars or Communication skills classes. But when it came to vivas or oral tests, it was like hell. I would rather bunk my class than attending the class and facing those embarrassing situations. Never had the courage to go and talk to the girl whom I liked the most. But still the college life was good. Because you don’t have to wake up early and go for attending classes and all that. You are the king.
Live Life King Size.
After college came the professional life. Mine was a Campus placement and my professional life started when I went to Mysore for 6 months of Technical Training. It is always a problem to go to a new place where every face is new and bright. You go to a new place with lot of expectations and all. This again can be a problem for a person who stammers because you have to start it all over again. Introducing yourself in every session or to every person you meet. We use to have Communication classes there, where each and everyone of us has to speak. You don’t have any option.But it was not that hard for me. In almost each and every session of communication classes I discussed about my stammer. So after talking about my stammer and letting everyone know that I stammer, It feels really good. It felt like all the people in that room were all stammerers and I am attending a Self Help Group meeting. So that thought of getting embarrassed or humiliated was gone. After introducing stammering as a part of my life and actually telling them about the obstacles and difficulties that I face every day, everyone was staring at me like I was a superman or from some other planet. From that day more and more people(including girls) started interacting with me and sent me friendship mails and all that. At that time I thought, why are they so desperate to be my friend. Was it my honesty…?? Was it my bravery….?? or just that I am different from them…?? Still I dont know the exact reason. But it doesn’t really matters or does it..?
Soon my friend circle began to expand. It was altogether a new beginning for me. I didn’t knew that stammering can make such a huge difference(in a positive sense). Then after completing my training successfully, I got posted to Pune. Now I am in Pune, exploring a new world, with new faces around and of course some familiar ones too. But one thing is still the same and that is my stammering. So there is some sort of connection between me and my stammering. You can never get satisfied in your life if you are a stammer. And remember “satisfaction leads to Death”. Life will always be a journey where you can keep on learning new things everyday and with stammering in it , it becomes more spicy and interesting.
This was my way of looking at stammering. There are many other ways too that can lead to suffering, Pain and make your life Hell. So why not accept you stammer, make life a bit spicy & interesting and live with it.
That was my journey so far. Lets wait and see, what life has planned for me or rather what I have planned for life in the near future.