It was about 12 pm in the afternoon.I needed to take 1 hour break from the office to visit the local bank. I, finally called my boss, being involved in a dilemma for a long time whether to seek his permission or just go out directly, who was busy attending some cultural event in our sister concern factory. Visiting a bank have always been an uncomfortable task for me; seeking some loan or other trouble shooting had been worse in terms of communication comfort level.
I was approaching the auto stand with speedy legs, with repeated reminders from vipassana technique to be calm and alert here and then.
Before boarding the auto rickshaw, I was left with a task to get my photographs from the studio who has promised me a handful of coloured photos today, needed to be submitted at the bank.
Getting near and nearer to the studio, with a unknown doubt in my mind, I found that studio shutter closed from a distant view. I felt terrible. My mind was figuring out a possible failure to submit the documents as the bank was scheduled to close at 1 pm and it was 12:15 pm already and I was still waiting for the studio owner. I was angry, terrifying and tensed….walking to and from near the studio….vipassana was again reminding me to be relaxed and calm. But fore casting the horrible time at the evening phone call from my brother in case I failed to submit the documents today as yesterday was not letting me to be calm.
So I decided to submit the documents with pending photograph atleast. I boarded the auto rickshaw and suddenly, I remembered that I just have a single note of 100 bucks with no change to pay the rent. So, I interrupted the auto driver and acknowledge him that I do not have the change , just to avoid the possible last minute taunting and hurry. But unexpectedly he readily provided me change exchanging my 100 rupee note which is generally a rare scene. So I get in the bank. Just catched the concerned bank personnel and sit in front of him waiting for my turn. He was surrounded by a handful of customers. One of the customer, a young handsome man was carrying a small paper note in hindi language. It was a bit absurd yet a familiar thing for me. I got a small curiosity expecting a small secret behind this note. So, I decided to have a focused attention on that young man during his turn to deal with the bank officer.
And, finally, my doubt was confirmed that finally I found a PWS who can be a potential partner for me to explore various activities, even a SHG at my current location.
He was facing speech difficulties explaining his case to the bank officer with already forwarded paper note. He was trying to hide his stammering; a trademark of most of the adult stammerers.
I was done with my documents submission. Before leaving the bank premises, I contacted that young man who was still busy at another counter. I get near to him and ask him to come a bit far from the counter as I was not willing to discuss this issue in front of other busy people there as it could have been a bit uncomfortable for me and a far more for him.
So, I request him to get a bit distant from the counter for a while and told him that I stammers and I have found him on the same boat too. I was experiencing few blocks explaining all this. Initially, he responded just like other fluent persons who used to found it difficult to understand my words with those blocks. But sooner he accepted with a broad smile on his face that he stammers too. Then, a bit relaxed, I told him that I am on my way to recovery and I will be waiting outside the bank premises for him to share my words with him.
While I was waiting for him, my mind was flowing the ocean of emotions related to my old memories when I too used to play the tricks to hide my stammering with paper notes. My mind was overflowed with thoughts which I wished to share with him. Sooner I realized that he may not show much interest in my words as experienced a few times earlier too when PWS didn’t show much interest in either sharing their words or in knowing any techniques. So I assembled a few points which I was going to share with him with utmost caution not to hurt/humiliate him at all as talking about stammering with a stammering can be a very painful deal.
When he get out of the bank, I welcomed him with a smiling face and gave him my brief introduction and asked him for the same. I saw him a bit uncomfortable so I just gave him a brief introduction of TISA and gave him my phone number for future communication. He was in a hurry; we see off readily.
So, I returned back with a bunch of happy experiences although I am going to visit the bank again on Monday to submit my photograph and some other documents raised by the officer today only, still, I was happy that a possible total failure incident had turned out a really wonderful experience for me. Seeing him using paper notes as a weapon to hide his stammering, my heart have freed from tons of burden of guilt and self pity as I have always thought that I am the only person using such super smart techniques to hide my stammering.
I hope he will contact me and we will make a good company to promote TISA activities here…