Straight from my heart….

Hello everyone…this is Piyush…not exactly new to t-Tisa group…but relatively new to Bangalore SHG..

I still remember the day when an ordinary looking email in my Infosys email box was titled ” Stammering seminar in Infosys, Mcity” ..I was kinda surprised…how such seminars were happening inside the campus…I knew i had this stammering problem but still i didnt had the courage to accept it..rather the correct words would be, i didnt had the courage to openly tell everyone that i had this problem inspite of everyone knowing it already…Sometimes, it’s really hard to explain these things..:( 🙁


As usual, i went to the seminar telling something else to my team mates…and was surprised to see some 9-10 people turning  up from our campus…it was really strange…till tht day..i used to think it was only me thr in Infosys who had this problem….That was the 1st time i heard about t-Tisa and what they were doing . But as it turned out, the concept of SHG never really materialised in Chennai Mcity..maybe i had lacked the willingness to accept tht i stammer out in open once again. 🙁

When i came to Bangalore this  January, i thought of attending some speech therapist to control my stammering. It was then, i again stumbled upon t-Tisa and came to know about Bangalore Self Help Group(SHG).  The group, as you all know, co-ordinated by Dinesh meets every Sunday…I went for my first class on 17th Feb and met some really nice people who, inspite of their stammering were willing to act on it…share their experiences . For the 1st tym , i felt i hve found people with whom i can share something which i have failed to share with anyone. Thanks a lot Dinesh for everthing u r doing..

This is probably the first time i am speaking about my stammering out in the open because i feel that it has been really long these thoughts have been inside.

i really want to be free now of all the load i was carrying for ages…Here i am …letting it go…One of my biggest unsaid fears…am trying to bring out what i feel, how i have felt all these years through this blog…

Sometimes, we  stammerers live a dual  life….highly critical of oneself and introvert from outside…I am no different…If you would ask me , how i want to live life..i would tell u …i want to live it exploring….making new friends…keeping in touch with old ones…trying out new activities…new ventures…

And believe me , inspite of my stammering , i have always tried to do these activities in the last 3-4 years…Ask anyone who knows me, they would vouch for it…

But inspite of all these, there are days when just , nothing is going right for u…u stutter at each and every word..not able to even tell someone what ur thoughts are…in these times…one tends to ask and complain……WHYYYYYY MEEE………WHYYYY GODD………agar mujhe stutter hi karana tha…toh awaaz kyun di…aise hi bhej deta….yeh kaisi zindagi hain..jahah main apne hi thoughts ko dusro ke saamne bol nahi pa raha…in these lowest moments only…we realy need someone with whom we can share this…

The worst part of stammering  is , you cannot discuss it with anyone..atleast i cudn’t…My mom still thinks i am the most fluent speaker in the whole world….my cousins won’t talk about it…my friends…on some day they would make fun of it..while on others..get along with it…as if i am one among them…..It’s really tough whn u are fighting it all alone…

Like other Stammerers, i really dont remember when and how my stammering started…when i look back and try to remember what was it like when i was small….all i could remember is that it was not that bad..i used to stutter…but everyone felt, including me that it was not a big deal….everyone thought it would go with age..but today i realize…that my stuttering though not very much visible…was slowly shaping my character….i was good in studies…but didnt took much part in extra curricular activities in school..although at home, in my building i was interested in almost everything..cricket, badminton, board games , video games……probably i was afraid to speak that much in front of others…there had been instances when people laughed when i stammered which must have  discouraged me to speak out…i still remember clearly my class teacher in class 4 telling me to take participate in drawing …that was the 1st and last time i took part in a drawing competition ….she knew i was a good student…and she wanted me to  participate in some activity…”he has this stammering problem, hence i have told him to take part in drawing…” these words which she told to one of our teachers…is still so fresh and clear in my memory…

As i grew up, like others, the fear of stammering and i guess the sub-consious thought that i stammer grew as well and always stayed with me…Trying to avoid English classes where we might have to give presentations , being nervous at the thought of introductions in front of the class were common experiences every stammer would agree to. I was no different. Life can be very very difficult sometimes where inspite of having all the capabilities, we just dont have the right mindset to change the course and just go with the flow.

I would keep sharing my other experiences with time.

I am really looking forward now to remove any self-doubts i have with regard to my stammering and become a confident speaker…

Thanks once again to my new group of friends and mentors…

Piyush

ph-no : 9019727011

email: kolkata_piyush@yahoo.co.in

(Piyush- congratulations for stepping out of the prison! Throw a party! -ssachin)

6 Comments

Comments are closed.

  1. Anonymous 7 years ago

    Congratulations!
    It needs courage to do what you have done.. Lots of courage.. Keep walking this path..and tell us more about yourself..
    kamal

  2. admin 7 years ago

    This is exactly the story of every stammerer. At last you come out of your shell.I advice you to attend SHG meetings regularly for at least one year and see the change. Dinesh is not only the Coordinator but also a good human at this young age and he will help you a lot. You are fortunate enough to have a very good SHG and try to make use of it. And keep on sharing your feelings.All the best.

  3. Anonymous 7 years ago

    Piyush, I never really knew this side of yours. After hearing out this, I feel so nice to be a friend of yours. I feel I have found the most brave guy from our college! Here's what is straight from my heart —
    Bravado Piyush 🙂

    Siddharth

  4. lashdinesh 7 years ago

    Thanks Piyush for sharing. Lets march on together with all the fun, enthusiasm and grit.

  5. Anonymous 7 years ago

    Dear Brother,

    Thanks for sharing your experience…salute your courage…may your stammering get minimized and move away from your system…

    be fearless about your speech…stammering will itself vanish.

  6. Neeraj Prabhakar 7 years ago

    Thanks for sharing the experiences, Piyush. I could literally see myself in those lines. I work in a semi voice process and my life is a Battle daily in the office. I lose the battle many times but I am sure will win the WAR someday.. Cheers to Life..

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