My Stammering Journey……

Hello  Everyone,firstly let me introduce myself.My Name is Kavish and im from Mumbai.I would like to share with you all about my journey with my beloved friend-Stammer.
Imagine an easy question everyone knows how to answer it but
what if you can’t.Not because you don’t know the answer but because you simply
can’t get the word out.This is what a stammerer experiences in his everyday
life not being able to say what he or she wants to even the though the answer
is easy.
A stammer is where your speech is filled with involuntary pauses and
repetition of words and blocks.I think of it like having a huge glass wall
stuck in your head.You know exactly what you want to say but when you try to
say something the words hit the wall and  refuse to come out .The repetition of words
,blocks,weird sounds  and facial
expressions is  what happens when we try
to force the word out.
I have been stammering all my life,the first instance I
can recall about my stammering was around the age of 6 or 7,it was at its worst
stage where I used to stammer badly and was hesitant to even give my roll call
like any other stammerer.A  stammerer can
be roughly compared to an iceberg.The 20% above the water what you see is
tension,struggle and embarrassment associated with stammering.The 80 % you
don’t see is the avoidance of words ,avoidance of situations ,feeling guilty
accompanied by shame where you can’t even say your name.One of the worst part
of being a stammerer is the way people react when we are asked to say something
and we are not able to get the word out because of our stammer..As an instance
it made my peers very amusing that why does it take so long to tell my name and
questions arise among the peers that why do u speak that way?.And then people
start making judgements  about you based
on how you speak,just because you stammer doesn’t mean that you are not
intelligent.When it  was time for the
oral exams,I  would  pretend 
that  I am sick  and my illness would be an excuse of not
giving the oral exams and as such it wouldn’t affect my grades.Attending or
making calls was again a misery.If  there
would be a part of the conversation 
where I find a word to be difficult to say,I would replace it with a
word that is easy for me to tell or at times I would pretend that there is some
disturbance ….im not able to hear you and im excused from the conversation.This
taught me how to be a pro at avoidance of phone calls. Gradually I started to
be more and more conscious of my speech.Every decision that I took which
involved speaking was now influenced by the fact that I stammer.By the time I
completed high school,it was time to choose a career of my choice.As for
choosing my career I was a very confused person,I could relate to stories from
my brother who was very fascinated about science but decided to do
commerce,just to avoid the stammering situations like giving presentationsSo I
also decided to play it safe by enrolling for commerce..Public speaking  in front of large groups is one of the
scariest things to do for me ,more so than others.I have to do a lot of
preparation.I know exactly what I want to say  and I would have practiced it many times,but
when the time comes to talk in front of large groups it would be the most  nervise situations,as we normally don’t
stammer when talking to ourselves .So if I do block on a particular word I
would replace the word or might use fillers like ,and,hmm,etc.Very often
in my stammering journey I feel as if im completely lost as there seems to be
no improvement in my speech.My speech gets worse during tensed situations……it
keeps fluctuating day in and day out….sometimes I can get that word
fluent,sometimes I can’t.Sometimes you feel like you are stuck in an
ocean….surrounded by water all alone.You keep on walking with some hope that
you can come out of the water,though you don’t know how to swim.You start to
loose hope.You feel like giving up.You will have self-defeating
thoughts.You will still be confronted by situations that will pull you down.You
will still have moments where you loose hope.Do the best that you can do
now,don’t underestimate yourself.The expectation that you will reach your
destination is beyond your control.
To conclude,I would like to say one thing do not loose hope
and give up just because you stammer.Don’t be ashamed of your stammer and hide
it.Nobody is perfect in this world except god.

Thank You!!!
(P.S:-This was a prepared speech that i gave in one of the SHG Meets….any suggestions and comments are welcome)

6 Comments

Comments are closed.

  1. Sachin 5 years ago

    Wow …
    Kavish you have taken a big leap of courage and faith..
    Very touching story
    And familiar too…

  2. lashdinesh 5 years ago

    Kavish, welcome to the family!!
    Thanks for sharing.. Its healing for the one who writes and the one who reads.. Pls keep writing..

  3. admin 5 years ago

    You are not alone in this journey. Everyone of us have gone thru this agony. Many will still go and this circle continues. You have put a real life situation and it requires lot of courage to put it openly and speak the mind with the world. In my opinion the only solution to recover stammering is accept it fully and then desensitize it fully. Let it come the way it is coming, go with full confidence that this is the only way to conquer it. Put videos of your speech on youtube, share on the blog, whats up group. You will lose tonnes of weight. Great! Bravo Kavish!!!

  4. admin 5 years ago

    Mr. Kavish nice write up. You have rightly concluded that don't loose hope. Remember everything is ok in the end and even if it is not the world doesn't end. I would like to quote the words of Confucius:
    " The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential…these are the keys that will unlock the door to full excellance.

  5. admin 5 years ago

    Nice write up Kavish 🙂
    @Dinesh – Kavish is quite an old TISA member 🙂

  6. lashdinesh 5 years ago

    Kevin, All are Welcome – new as well as Old 😉

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