Auto biography of an excellent communicator

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About
my stammering experience.
Good
evening my dear tisa family members. Myself shivaji .I live in
Hyderabad. I am writing here about my stammering experience
since childhood .I was born in a town in telangana state.Now
I am 31 yrs old. I was born and brought up in a good
family. My father use to tell that he had little bit of
stammering , when he was child, but he has get rid of it
by growing age. He was a fluent speaker. In my family ,I have
2 elder brothers. My brothers have the stammering problem. My
elder brother stammering is somewhat more than my younger
brother. My younger brother use to stammer more when he was
child. He use to face the people without shame, fear and
shyness, but I use to hide my stammering.when he became elder
his 90% of stammering was recovered.He use to talk more
without shyness. I think stammering is overcomed by facing the
people or talking more without any fear,but my elder brother
stammering is still present , and he stammers more than
me.But he is a very confident person from childhood.My family
was rich when he was child and my father use to bring what
ever he ask and he was the dominant in our family.

Coming
to my stammering story,I did not remember exactly when I
was affected with stammering but I knew that from the age 5
I was stammering .When I ws 1st
class we was shifted to rented house. My father got huge
loss in the business.I did not able to pronounce the word “
muhurtham” in telugu. I use to tell “ murtham’.due to my
fathers business loss also it affected me psychologically.I use
to think myself we are very less. I was a clever student in
the class. I use to speak with everyone without any fear
.while when I was in 5th
class , a sudden glitch (thought)happened in my mind. I thought
while telling answers in the class I stammer, so why should I
tell answers and stammer.at that point I stopped telling
oral answers to teacher even though I know the answer. From
that point of time my bad time started .I use to speak less
in the class , always I maintain silence in the class and
with relatives.I use to fear , If i speak what the other
person think of me.At that point I stopped the question and
answers also.( any way I am not going to tell the answers,
why I should prepare the answers this thought came into my
mind.
Basically
I did not know whether I was a shy child or not or
stammering made me shy child.But I am a very sincere and
honest child. I think this is due to my family values. I
never teased any friend in the school. I always use to sit
calmly in the class. I was a covert stutterer.no body knows
I have a stammering problem. Stammering is not a big problem
in my childhood.rollcall is the problem in the class.any how I
finished my schooling and entered into 10+2 . there I had a
roll call problem.i used to manage that .nobody knows that
I have a stammering problem in my inter.
Then
I got engineering seat in osmania university,there introduction
was very difficult to me. In first year every sir use to come
and he ask us to introduce ourselves. Any how I use to
manage there. In b.tech 1st
yr telling roll call is problem to me.”present madam” and
“yes madam” was difficult to me. I use to tell my friend
to tell my roll call. In my b.tech 1st
yr my fathers two kidneys are failed.He use to go for
dialysis twice a week. It had affected me a lot. I entered in
to b.tech 2nd
yr and I worked as home tutor for 2 months .I use to meet
my friends to get relief from my father’s illness and my
stammering problem. I felt lot of loneliness at that time. Nobody
is there to share my feelings. I side tracked my studies ,
concentration on studies was decreased.
In
my 2nd
yr 2nd
sem my father was died.it affected me psychologically so
much. I did not went to college for 1 month.when I attended
class my body was present and mind absent. I failed one
subject in my 2n d year 2nd
sem.from there my downfall had started.
I
entered b.tech 3rd
yr there I use to bunk all the initial classes for 15 days
.some sirs they use to ask the attendance to say the roll
no. I use to ask my friends whether sir is taking attendance
or he asking roll nos. later I meet each and every sir and
tell them that my grandfather was sick and I am not able
to come to class. And he used to remember my roll no.when he
take attendance he never asks my roll no.
In
b.tech every semester I was shortage of attendance .I was
not enjoyed my college life.i am very much regretful for
that.i use to go calmly to college and sit fearly what the
people ask and girls are present in our class.i think
myself I was very low.
I
finished my b.tech with 2 backlogs. In knowledge no doubt I
am far fom any other person in my college. I use to think
always stammering.i met one psychologist Dr bv pattabiram he
told stammering is a psychological problem.
I
had lot of goals .lot of dreams to do MS in usa.so that in
usa no body bother about stammering. I stopped my education
at b.tch only.if we do m.tech In india we have to say roll
call and seminars.
I
joined in a software couse,I did it. I attended my first
interview in reliance industries. In the interview I stammered
a lot then I never attended any interview for 2 yrs. I
always use to live in dreams.
Any
how I got a job in chemical company. I worked there .i used
to hide my stammering there. In 2010 I knew about tisa and
I joined in it.2 to 3 times we met in shg along with raja
poladi sir. In 2011 I attended parta bagchi stammering cure
centre for 6 days.Because I have to attend a US visa
interview for MS .there he thought about prolongation
technique . but it is not good because he cant deal the
stammering in all perspectives.in 2011 I practiced speech
therapy for 3 months ,I use to speak some what fluently.i
attended the US visa interview .i did nt got the visa, but I
felt very much satisfied because I did nt stammerewd at
visa interview.
I
left my job and started for preparing psu exams ,I thought
that I was not fit to private jobs.due to some family
problems I was mentally disturbed . eventhough I am not a
blogger in the tisa but I use to read all the blogs
everyday.one day I read all the blogs written since its
inception.
Since
2013 december onwards I started my own journey.i dedicated
whole one year for knowing my self.i read so many articles,
books ,videos on stammering. I read the book “ redefining
stuttering” it was on eye opener to me.i felt ,I was there
in the place of john c. harisson. It was such a wonderful
book.while I was reading books I felt so confident, and I
did nt stammered . in 2013 july I attended vipassana meditation
course. It was such a wonderful course.after attending that
course, I felt that we use to blame always on stammering but
it is not correct, due to our way of thinking we failed in
our life but not with stammering.
I
gained lot of knowledge on stammering and I did lot of
experiments on stammering.but I was not accepting my
stammering.i use to attend shg meetings regularly. I attende
NC 2014.I was the winner in the “nani pani” game and I
was the winner in boom 1234 in the railway station we
played.
By
observing so many things and so many people, I felt that I
am not less than anybody. Mainthing is due to lack of self
confidence. I was failed in the life. When it comes to
knowledge I have more knowledge. I am the member in sri sri
ravishankar, pyramid mediatation, brahmakumaris, jaggi vasudev,
vipassana. I read lot of books on osho, Anthony robbins books,
personality development books , nlp.
I
use to give speeches in the public. I attended c
ommunication skills program in Ramakrishna math. Ther I gave a
excellent specch for 2 minutes. Sir told that you are a
confident speaker. My aim is to enter into politics. I use
to always talk about politics, reading newspaper , talking
about movies and heroes, world history Indian history ,
negative thinking.
This
all has distracted my mind from my goal. Now I decided
enough is enough . I have to accept my stammering whole
heartedly and follow the tisa manual and do speech practice
and concentrate only on my job carrer.i stringly say that due
to our belifs, perceptions, intentions psychological we failed
in the life and I use to stammer.i always think in
negative way , wht the other person might think and I am a
sensitive and emotional person. Now I started my second
innings , iam conquering my each faer one by one.whatever I
lost in my school and college.
I
strongly say that “ I believe its our decisions not the
conditions of our lives that determine our destiny.
I
work on tisa manual regularly and I overcome stammering and
eventhough I stamer but I speak without faer.
My
heartfelt so much happy after writing this post , all the
weight on my head come down.Now I am feeling relaxed.
Note:
I think I can write my auto biography.
Title:
Auto biography of a excellent communicator(stammerer)
Thanks
Shivaji
09885112812.
7 Comments

Comments are closed.

  1. Shivaji m 5 years ago

    thank u sir for posting my article

  2. Shivaji m 5 years ago

    thank sir for posting my article

  3. Shivaji m 5 years ago

    thank u sir for posting my article

  4. abhishek 5 years ago

    very good Shivji.. We have talked on Karthik's Skype calls and met at Delhi SHG .. Nice to see ur post after a long time

  5. asananthababu a 5 years ago

    Congratulations shivaji, your positive attitude make a good result,

  6. asananthababu a 5 years ago

    Congratulations shivaji, your positive attitude make a good result,

  7. jasmeet singh 5 years ago

    Be positive stay blessed.. thumbs up

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