I have few memories of school. Even I know the answer I not hands up to give answer. I tried to became quite as I know that if I try to speak then students will make me laugh of my stammering.
Even when madam taking attendance that was really horrible time for my school life and when in Govt. school students ran after recess then principal announced to take attendances two times in a day that I figured out that is just punishment for me only.
When teacher start attendance I all time only practice how I will speak what I do and I prayed to God that may the madam see to myself I only stand with handsup with silence posture and she sill understand that I am today present.
As most of students say Yes madam but few students say present madam and present madam is really horrible word for me, I not even in dream think to say “present madam”. For me yes madam is also very hard to me to speak.
I remember in all the practice I easily able to speak Yes madam but when my turn came when I try to speak I don’t know why the word not come up from the mouth. Some time I was badly stammering and madam or sir understand he present and keep continuing another numbers to speak and became keep quite but sometimes sounds not come due to stammering and madam thinking this number is absent and she keep going another numbers.
That is really horrible for me as few minutes ago I was has to only speak yes madam but now with the sentence I has to speak to teacher that may you written absent in your attendance register wrongly. Kindly change it my attendance to present.
I remember many times I miss the attendance and after attendance I am practicing that I will speak this sentence to make in attendance register absent to present. After attendance my teacher start her subject many times so I think after teaching finished I will speak and after ringing the bell she closing her desk and registers and I am thinking how I start and she start moving outside gate and I am thinking how I start and she gone and my absent remains there I was present and this is happened many times with me.
I have not much friends from school life to present. My routine was very simple. For enjoyment I only watch TV or play games in computer. I have not much friends circle 2007 or 2008 around I got a friend and first question he ask to me how many of you has friends I simply say to him I have no friend even I remember that I not able to tell any name of friend to him as he insist to me tell me any name of your friend.
In recess time I always try to hide with students as I know children will make fun of mine even I was in bigger class and in my Govt school small children (small classess) also get know about my problem when my class friend making fun of mine. The small children also start making fun of mine. So in recess and PT period I try to sit in my class room only. Also in free period also I sit on my class room only. Many times I was only in the class room and for 30 minutes I have to spend alone in the class room.
Many times teachers caught me alone in class room and forcefully send me to play ground Then that time also I try to hide myself like I was aware all the children will be in the play ground first I go to drink water that is back side of school building then after drinking water I start roaming a small garden that exist just beside the drinking tap. That is old garden and not good to play so most of children not go there and that is also very lonely place. But that lonely place is my favorite place to roam. As here I can spend time in alone. Even many times children ask to me what I do here in alone.
Many time I heard a question that if I was not stammerer then where was I now. The answer of this question is very hard to me. But one thing I can admit what I really want to do but my close one always stop to me to doing this as I am stammerer. I want to share few.
When I was working in Dazzle Retail Pvt. Ltd. And here very less staff was working and job was very hectic so staff easily resigns there. So I handle there HR department and try to call to consultants and try to recruit new staff. Here I remember only for practice only I try to contact new consultants to hire new staff in my office. I called almost more than 1000 calls and around contact more than 200 new consultants only for hiring staff for our company.
I also get informed that few consultants working and provide not less than 100 staff one time. They mostly work for call centers where demand is much high.
As here staff was less and employees not sustain for long time, so in mean time we have to work the missing persons too as staff is not available so pressure was high to hire new employees as early as possible to get the load decreased. Our employer expectation was high and he not ready to give high salary so I can figured out from 100 only 1 is ready to work there. As any needy person who is capable and also ready to work in less salary only ready to work there but after lots of pressure and very little salary they also easily get resigned.
Many consultants also stop sending new candidates as they also judged that our expiations are too high and we easily reject the candidates. I can admit I not even take any single interview but I continuously in touch with candidates and help them to reach our office from metro station and our office not easily searchable from metro station. Big thing is that we hire only female members.
Also I remember 3 females not able to search our office and after lots of try returned to home and message us she not able to search our office.
So my dream was I want to once open our own job consultancy office and many of mine close ones not want this as I never take any interview and I have not good communications skills. So better I should not go this line.
One question always come in front of us. How to control stammering. There is many techniques but now I am not telling the techniques now. Now I am here to tell you why we fail to use techniques or why we unable to use techniques or why the techniques fails to controlling your stammering. Here is two main reasons for this. First is thirstiness of controlling your stammering not curing of stammering. Both are different things. We all are thirsty of curing not controlling. Lets share a story for this. Once upon a time a person ask to Mahatma budh a question that why all people not able to reached to God if it is very simple. He said I will definitely answer your question but first do one thing today go to village and ask to every one what is your wish which you want to fulfilled. He went to village and ask to every one some one said money some said land some said gold etc and take all the wishes to mahatma budh and said these all are wished of all then mahatma budh asked how many demanded the God in their wish. All are surprised not even one demanded the wish of God and every one ask to mahatma budh just one day before the way of how to reach to God. That is the main reason is the controlling of stammering is your wish or you dare to control your stammering. Your pyaas will make the way by own of controlling of your stammering. But the reason is our thirstiness is not reached to that level of pyaas now.
The other is positive attitude. Your positive attitude will word by own. Your positive attitude will show in your actions, words, behavior, body language, attitude etc. Even you badly doing stammering but if you have positive attitude towards I will be able to control my stammering now. Techniques are secondary things but first you have to make positive attitude and make “pyaas” of controlling your stammering.