Great urge to speak fluent

These days something uneasy I am feeling, seems I relapsing
to stammering again. As relapsing is very common in stammering. When I came
back from SHG meeting or workshop, I feel very confident and get used to the
basic techniques which make our stammering easy. I do bouncing, I stutter
without struggle and seems like stammering has stopped to bother me. But in
this comport zone, I committed mistake, I find excuse to follow the speaking
ease techniques as it seems ridiculous to me. I want to follow others, I want
to speak fast and fluent like others and then suddenly I loosed my track. Two
days ago, I had to go somewhere and destination name seems difficult to
pronounce for me. I have to stop an auto rickshaw and ask him to destination. I
wanted to face this challenge by speaking the destination name exactly without
any helping word. I did so but when I open my mouth I stucked in such a big
block that I can’t even get out by using any technique, I tried bouncing but
failed. It was really an embarrassing moment as I tried hard. I loosed the
challenge as stammering won. At last I took help of some other word and relieved.
 I really feel awkward that still
stammering bother me, still I don’t know how to come out from a block. It was really
a painful experience. After this couple of more times, I felt myself in same
situation. I found that when I tried hard to win the battle, I always failed. I
want to win from my stammering but I can’t. But why it is happen to me?? After
deep thinking, I got conclusion that I left the precautions, I avoid bouncing (or
wanna to use at time of block). I put myself in some situation where I don’t
want to show my stammer. I put myself in comport zone, sharing stammering
only with friends or close ones doesn’t matter a lot.  So my advice to all other TISA members that if
you think that you have done enough work and now it is time to leave all those
things then you will soon find yourself in great trouble. I understand this thing,
If you have great urge to speak fluent or want to follow others way of speaking then
it is bad for you. You have loved to speak in bouncing manner; you have to make
yourself get used of easy stuttering. Avoid stammering doesn’t help in long
run. So here I am going to start again. B B B bouncing..:-)