Learning to talk again..

Hi Everyone,
PWS has really grown from what I can see and read. TISA also has made an entrance. I joined PWS on yahoo group as an eighteen year old. I am M- B-, 25 years old from M—. I am working as a content writer in a content writing firm in M-. A lot has happened in the past six to seven years and I would like to share my journey with you all.

During these past six years I have completed my post graduation and also a diploma course in journalism. Don’t get me wrong, I am not bragging about my education. But I want to tell how for a person with very low self esteem and confidence this is a matter of pride. I guess all PWS will agree on this. From making a normal phone call, to answering a query from a stranger – each interaction was a small victory. The transition from being a nobody to believing that I can achieve anything has been good and overwhelming at times. In school I was a shy, reserved child. Even socially handicapped. But everything changed when I started graduation and decided that I will no longer be silent. It began with voluntarily answering questions in class, interacting. And my stint as an NSS volunteer helped me with my social skills.

Previously I refrained from interacting with people but now I actually enjoy it. I have worked in three companies since then and I have gone for several interviews. And I have not stuttered badly in any interview. I don’t know how this happened. I did not go for any classes, nor did any breathing exercises. I feel it was just a lack of confidence. But there are times when I still stutter very badly. When I am in an emotional upheaval or very angry. I realize I have to calm down in such emotional situations. Emotions that have been bottled up since childhood come out in emotional outburst. As a child I could clearly see the impatience on people’s faces while I talked. So, I just stopped explaining what I am feeling or what I am going through. The frustration of keeping quiet for so many years came out through other mediums. Violent temper tantrums, or need for solitude. I now realize that I have to learn to put my feelings into words. It is a gradual process which I am slowly learning. I am learning to speak up about what I feel. It is very hard to actually ‘say’ what is going on in my mind at times because till the age of 21 I did not do that. So, it’s as if I am learning to talk again.

So, the journey continues. By the way I am planning to take up teacher’s training and be a teacher. I believe that since I have got so much out of life, it’s now my turn to give back to life. It’s the best way I can reach out to children in need and not only those who stutter but also others might have some other learning disabilities. I want to tell everyone out there to believe in yourself and not give up hope. Would love to hear from you all.

M-

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