My name is uuu Umesh Rawat and I am a covert stammerer. A covert
stammer is who can hide his stammer very well by easy replacing words and by with some
other techniques(coughing, i just forgot hmmm..) . But at sometime, all of his techniques failed and he caught
red handed. And this is most embarrassing movement for him. Since childhood, I also
hide my stammering from everyone as possible I can do. Even my family members don’t
know about this (as I think, except my mom). But sometime when I stuck badly in
some situations, I found myself helpless. I shocked badly like as by electric
current and my memory erased. I don’t realize where I am standing and on what
content I was talking? This was my previous life around one year ago. I seemed
happy to people and they thought I am a good listener with shy personality. There
was big difference in my inner and outer thoughts. I was completely a different
person in my inner. I always fight with my own words. This word is right, this
is wrong. There was never a peace inside myself. I always tried not to stutter
at any cost. Being “covert” is
stammer is who can hide his stammer very well by easy replacing words and by with some
other techniques(coughing, i just forgot hmmm..) . But at sometime, all of his techniques failed and he caught
red handed. And this is most embarrassing movement for him. Since childhood, I also
hide my stammering from everyone as possible I can do. Even my family members don’t
know about this (as I think, except my mom). But sometime when I stuck badly in
some situations, I found myself helpless. I shocked badly like as by electric
current and my memory erased. I don’t realize where I am standing and on what
content I was talking? This was my previous life around one year ago. I seemed
happy to people and they thought I am a good listener with shy personality. There
was big difference in my inner and outer thoughts. I was completely a different
person in my inner. I always fight with my own words. This word is right, this
is wrong. There was never a peace inside myself. I always tried not to stutter
at any cost. Being “covert” is
- Having excessive fear of being perceived by others to have a
difference in the way they speak - Constantly fearing their “stuttering secret” being
uncovered - Feeling guilty for making the listener feel uncomfortable because
of their stuttering - Denying stuttering or the need to work on it
- Feeling shame, devaluating oneself, or fostering the need to hide
stuttering
After attending few TISA workshops, I feel deep changes in my
inner and few in outer.
inner and few in outer.
- Now I can talk on stammering to anyone freely. I enjoy talking
on stammering although fluents doesn’t want to talk more on it. - I dosn’t feel so
much fear or shame after blockages (although there is more work to do). - I reduced
switching words in fearing situations. - And most important which I got, the
inner struggle with words goes down and a peace in inside.
Although many
friends of mine tell me that you start to stammer more after attending workshop. How I tell
them that my inner struggle goes down which reflects in my outer. Sometime I stutter
more and what others can do in it?? I have born to stutter; sometimes I win, sometimes
my stutter. Just a matter of time.
5 thoughts on “Life of a covert stammer”
Sachin
(November 1, 2011 - 7:18 am)Beautiful and very true.
Becoming free of constant fear is the goal, even if we stammer a little.. People often think that covert stutterers dont suffer as much as over stutterers.. but this is not true.
admin
(November 1, 2011 - 11:40 am)Yes Umesh, sometimes such negative feedback can make us GO BACK to trying to hide our stammer! but its good that you can see that an increase in your stammering is also a sign of progress.
Sachin
(November 2, 2011 - 2:12 am)Yes, the GREAT DESIRE to be accepted by the "Normal" world is our BIGGEST abnormality!
If we could just accept ourself as we are, we will be the happiest person- no struggles, no regrets, – everything will be "normal" then..
deepak
(November 3, 2011 - 7:08 pm)Last lines are touchy and very true.
"I have born to stutter; sometimes I win, sometimes my stutter. Just a matter of time."
admin
(November 4, 2011 - 4:58 pm)The change that u brought about HIDING to OPENING MOUTH is worth praising….
I agree with sachin sir;moreover what we lack most is to maintain our changed outlook over stammering….we need to be open with more and more peoples!
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