Sahil’s story – delhi workshop biography challenge

My name is sahil.My father is central government employee,I have one brother 3 year older than me and my mom is housewife.My childhood is spent in Delhi and it was awesome.I remember I have negligible stammering as a child  but I have speech disorder “Apraxia”   but with time it disappeared.There is no such problem from my speech disorder in my childhood.After Delhi we shifted to Jalandhar,Punjab.From starting I have a fear while talking to someone like I used to hide myself whenever any guest come to home.As per i remember in class 7-8 ,i stammered in some particular words like “resistance”, I never bother about, I started skipping that word.I used to play,used to hangout all the time and probably at that time making friends was really easy and once I started feeling comfortable with someone, I stammer rarely.And yeah i also get nervous very easily,my hands are sweaty most of the time.I have problem of stammering but when ever that word came I just replace it with relevant word, I feel smart/nervous/shame ,a mixed type of feeling at that time.when I was in 9 class, my elder brother got admitted in class 11- non med he got busy with studies, and I also minimise playing outside or roaming around outside but I have very good friend circle in school.With these people I have no memory of stammering.I was above average student.After class 10, I choose non med, it was really hard for me to adjust and it was also my adolescent time , my harmones hijack my brain.so, I get more nervous at that time ,at that time my stammering starts increases and I started feeling frustration from that but I don’t know about this disorder and didn’t do anything. I grow up in Hindi speaking surrounding…So whenever I speak Punjabi I stammer more coz I think too much about appropriate word.I try to speak Punjabi so that other people will assume I am also Punjabi native too but most of the time I get “face palm” moment when reply came in Hindi.But I also do mimicry of my friend in their native language like Kashmiri,bojpuri,south Indian accent and I speak soo fluently and I don’t know how thought come and I become really enjoyeable.After class 12 I was more depress coz of my AIEEE score ,I got admitted into local private college.In first year I tried to prepare for AIEEE(self study) and also for college exam simantaneously , but actually I was doing nothing but feeling more pressurised. So I loose all the hopes and just realised that I am making my life more complicated unnecessarily.So,in second year my only motive is to be happy at any cost but I was still suffering from low self esteem and stammering and i never participate in any co cirrurical activity .I am becoming very introvert ,soo many thoughts running in my mind but speaks nothing .I made friends at college but they are not of my kind I really don’t like hanging out with them and somehow just pass my time ,I never find someone who really undsrstands me. I have interaction with but don’t really like to hangout with them.And may be the same thing they think of me.I am very helping kind of guy in my classroom so people usually take advantage of me and in the end I always feels like fool and more frustrated.It really affect my personality. But somehow survived.In all that journey Stammering was there but I always hide that word or replace that word when it comes and also I still have a fear while taking to people and unnecessarily make frowning face.It was my 4 sem, I kind of fall in love with my classmate so I used to feel really good at that time and I observe that with that good state of mind my stammering is very less. I also experience hangover during my college days and also I observe in my hangover my stammering is very less. Now it was my seventh semester of training I get CPWD department which is inside NIT campus Jalandhar. Here I meet some friends of my same batch and they become my really good friend in very short span and I still enjoy their company and mutuall understanding.This is the point where I realise it was not my fault or there is no such any personality problem or stammering in me that I cannot make any good friend in my college.Thing is that they are not just of my kind.This training semester make me more positive and confident but my stammering is at same place or getting little bit worse day by day.Somehow, I came to know about TISA and I was shocked and thankfull to see that such work on Stammering.But I did nothing just read little bit of “self help book” and no improvement.I have completed my B.tech on 2016 in civil engineering ,right after that I came to Delhi and joined coaching for govt. Exam.Here I attended two Sunday meeting and I am so so thankfull to TISA and now I don’t see stammering as a huge problem as I used to be.I still need to learn so many things from you guys.I am very excited about the workshop