There is a part inside me which loves my stammer and it feels good when I think about it including all the plans and stuff which I will supposedly take to improve myself.It feels satisfied when I constantly brood !!! But it feels threatened when I actually start taking steps like doing meditation or speech techniques !!! It does everything it can to stop me from taking corrective measures.It actually feels good when I get frustrated due to my stutter . And whenever I go against it with a strong will,it goes in silent mode for a few days and keeps waiting for that weak moment when it can again somehow persuade me to stop my practice by giving me millions of reasons like-“I think you should look for some other technique,Oh cmon just another movie then you can practice,are u kidding me its the cricket world cup you cant practice,you need to complete your sleep practice can wait !!!! “
And more often than not,this part of me is able to successfully persuade me.So the question is,what can I do ?????? I Have tried to go against it,but after a few days it inevitably wins !!!
I guess I should make this part my friend and try to persuade it that it shouldnt necessarily cling to my stammer and allow me to do what is necessary and actually help me in my endeavor.I should not push it aside but accept this part and try to make it help me,I dont know if it will work or not but one thing that I sure shot know is that fighting it is not gonna help me whatsoever.I also believe that this part is present in every pws,if you disagree just take a moment and think how much time you waste thinking about your stammer compared to the time spent in taking corrective action !!!!! Well ,if anyone has something to share even remotely related to this,do comment,it might help me and other pws !!!! See ya !!!!
This post was originally posted in my blog http://mystammer.blogspot.com/,if you like this post,do visit my blog !!!!
8 thoughts on “Is there a part of me which doesnt want me to change ??????”
Gaurav
(April 18, 2011 - 1:25 pm)I agree with you dhruv….
from last 2-3 weeks,i don't know ,why i stop practicing the speech tecniques..
nd now i can realise that my all improvement in speech has got vanished..i'm returned to my old stammering pattern…i'm frustrated and hopeless…what should i do..??
admin
(April 18, 2011 - 1:45 pm)Dear Dhruv and Gaurav, Its an old problem of identifying ourself with our thoughts..U r not your thoughts :)..Next time such a lazy thought comes, just observe it without resisting it, and pull yourself up by your neck and DO what needs to be done…Remember don't take your mind and thoughts too seriously..
admin
(April 18, 2011 - 2:06 pm)@ JP Sir
Hmmmm….. Its a thought alright but should I continue fighting it bcoz after a few days it invariably wins,dont you think that accepting it would be more helpful,also should I accept it as a thought or treat it as a part of my subconscious ?????
Anonymous
(April 18, 2011 - 2:38 pm)actually,one of my senior in college told me about his rejections in interviews due to stammering..he had gone through 25-30 interviews..
it makes me more nervous and hopeless about interviews…
Sachin
(April 18, 2011 - 3:24 pm)I think this is a very common problem affecting not just pws. Few of us dare to choose "growth" over "security". Familiar things offer a sense of security. "Devil you know is better than the devil you dont know." – this is how mediocre mind works- and no wonder 99% of humanity rarely comes up with original thought or work of beauty and meaning. Most of us spend life in "survival mode".
Acceptance does not mean accepting that we stutter and staying put. It is the first step and condition for long and lasting change. You accept the fact that you stammer- but believe that you can improve your communication and over all "meaning" of your life..
admin
(April 18, 2011 - 4:26 pm)I kinda of get it now that I am just clinging on to the lazy thought and also on the brooding thoughts while they are just a part of my day dreaming,I know what needs to be done once I get past these thoughts I know what steps are to be taken but my security of my usual behaviour prevents me from making radical changes when in reality they are just a few of a million thoughts I have during the day,I just cling on to these thoughts thats the problem,thnx sachin Sir And JP Sir
Anonymous
(April 19, 2011 - 11:05 am)if a pws cn overcm negative or lazy thots n overcm by remaining cool n relax..u wil find dat u hav bcm more resistive n next time if a thot cms den u know hw to overcm…JAI HAKLA BABA…
Anonymous
(April 22, 2011 - 12:33 pm)micro-managing our thoughts to this level is an overkill. sometimes we take life too seriously. not going to get out of it(life) alive, anyway!
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