Today, I am going to share an experience, which I have faced in the past too, and which I am sure many PWS’s have faced in their lives at some juncture or the other. Today, I had to attend a freind’s wedding. Wedding means lots of people to meet and to face. Though it doesnt scare me now, it sure keeps me in a different state of mind. A state wherein my mind is hypersensitive, and always ready to face people. It’s like the mind putting an extra-effort subconsciously, towards fluency. And in such state, the stammering sometimes increases. And I stutter a few times, even at the situations where I dont usually stutter.
Today, In such a state of mind, I came across a friend (a girl), and as the conversation began, she asked me something. When I answered, for that moment, I had forgotten everything. And I spoke in a lot of haste. The speed of my speech delivery was so much that I could make out that I was not clear with what I was trying to convey. I knew I had gone wrong with my communication skills. And I wanted to bounce back… I wanted to correct my mistake. I wanted to say it again, and this time applying all the rules of fluency, which i know. But before I could do that, she nodded in agreement and said “OK”. I was very much sure that I was not clear with
my words, and she didnt get my message. But still she reacted in a way as if she understood, which I see was her way to help me, comfort me or whatever.
my words, and she didnt get my message. But still she reacted in a way as if she understood, which I see was her way to help me, comfort me or whatever.
This is one thing many non-stammerers often do with the stammerers. This, may however be in good taste, but I feel, it should still be included in the “Don’t”s list for the non-stammerers. Just like it hurts when others complete our word for us, or when others make those crooked faces, this is another thing which is not good for the stammerers. In my opinion, what the non-stammering people should do is, if they find that the stammerer is not clear with his words, be patient and give him a chance to come back again. Or, ask him again politely to speak again. This will encourage the PWS to correct his mistakes and to produce fluent and clear speech when he talks. Reacting in such a way can really be disturbing and sometimes even can harm the morale.
I wanted to voice my opinion here, and see what other PWS think on this. I would be glad if other PWS share their viewpoints with respect to the issue I just discussed.
3 thoughts on “Please Do Ponder …”
Sachin
(December 4, 2009 - 3:20 am)Very valid observation. We too do the same sometime- nodding without understanding! Sometime it is because of time pressure, or the thought "why to put this guy through the misery again by asking to repeat himself?".
At other times, the piece of information is probably not important enough. Many reasons. But yes, if more of us talked about it, our friends will be better prepared..and conversation can be a mutual joy, as it is supposed to be.
Great post. Keep on sharing your fine observations!
sachin
admin
(December 4, 2009 - 5:18 pm)I really hate it, to be on the receiving end of such a reaction. I feel these are some of the reasons which forces the PWS to try very hard to hide their stammer or feel embarrassed about it….
Pam
(December 5, 2009 - 1:12 am)I agree with what you raise. One of the reasons I tried to hide my own stuttering for so long was fear of negative social reactions. I so wanted to avoid the puzzled or amused look, or the "look-away" , that I would rather not speak than risk stuttering and be laughed at.
Now as a wiser and mature adult (supposedly), I do agree that I dislike when someone pretends to understand what I have said when it is obvious they have no clue and are just trying to be polite.
I think this stems from the innate human nature most people have – to try and help us out. That reminds me of the good in most people, even though it is embarrassing.
I mush prefer someone asking me to repeat or have them repeat back to be sure they heard me right.
Very good point – thanks for sharing.
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