I want to sincerely thank the Women Who Stammer (WWS) who came forward and shared difficult experiences they have faced within the The Indian Stammering Association community over the years.
Instead of circulating the original PDF document, I am sharing selected summaries and my own understanding of the issue. I felt this was necessary because the original document, though important, lacked balance and depth in some places, and its dense language may make it inaccessible to many readers.
At the outset, I want to acknowledge something honestly: many Indian men are still deeply gender-insensitive in subtle or overt ways. At the same time, many Indian women are often socialized to be overly trusting, indirect, or hesitant to assert boundaries clearly. Human relationships are complex. Some men in positions of influence may misuse power. Some women too may cross personal boundaries. And there are also clear cases where inappropriate behaviour and violations have been reported.
What is important is this: whenever concrete complaints with sufficient details were brought to the attention of the leadership, The Indian Stammering Association did act.
Just some examples:
- after a national conference, a member used another participant’s photograph inappropriately as a profile on social media. A detailed complaint with screenshots and identification was received. The core team intervened immediately. Senior members contacted the individual directly, ensured the picture was removed, and obtained an apology.
- In another incident during a national conference, a participant undergoing treatment for mental illness reportedly began stalking another member. Senior volunteers present at the venue confronted the issue immediately, counselled the individual, and ensured that his discontinued medication was restarted promptly. Additional follow-up actions were also taken personally by me.
- In a similar case within the Mumbai SHG, the local group collectively warned a participant regarding inappropriate behaviour and eventually removed him from the group when the conduct continued.
At the same time, we must admit with humility that some incidents may have remained below the radar or were not handled adequately. One major difficulty has been the absence of sufficient details, witnesses, or willingness to formally engage with a complaint process. There are important principles of natural justice involved. No community can fairly take punitive action against someone without hearing all sides at least once.
At the same time, members — especially vulnerable members — should be encouraged and supported to speak up clearly, document concerns, and participate in the resolution process. Empowerment is not only about speaking openly about stammering; it is also about learning to stand up for one’s dignity, boundaries, and civic rights.
The following reported incidents highlight the need for clearer boundaries, healthier communication, and stronger community safeguards.
Incident 1: Leadership Role and Social Exclusion
A woman member declined a personal invitation from a local group coordinator. Afterwards, she reportedly experienced social distancing within the group and felt that some members became less supportive towards her. Over time, the emotional strain contributed to her leaving the community.
Incident 2: Friendship, Romantic Confusion, and Group Dynamics
A friendship between two members gradually developed into a romantic relationship. Later, complications arose when the man disclosed involvement in another relationship, causing emotional distress and insecurity for the woman. Following tensions between them, she reportedly felt sidelined in group activities and gradually disengaged from the organization.
Incident 3: Online Friendship and Discomfort in Shared Spaces
Two members who connected through online support meetings became emotionally close. Their expectations from the relationship later differed: one person preferred a casual physical relationship, while the other sought emotional commitment. After the relationship became uncomfortable, the woman found it difficult to continue participating in meetings hosted by the same individual and eventually withdrew from those spaces.
Incident 4: Emotional Expectations and Withdrawal
Two participants in an online discussion forum became emotionally attached. Later, one person clarified that he preferred only a casual relationship, while the woman was hoping for something more serious. Although no direct harassment was alleged, the emotional discomfort within shared spaces contributed to her gradual withdrawal from group participation.
These incidents point toward several important lessons for volunteers, members, and the broader The Indian Stammering Association community.
- Emotional closeness can naturally develop in vulnerable peer-support environments. But we must never forget the foundational purpose of TISA: it exists primarily as a self-help platform where people who stammer can learn, practice communication skills, and support each other’s growth.
- Clear communication, respect for boundaries, and graceful handling of rejection are essential.
- Leadership roles carry additional responsibility. If a leader’s behaviour repeatedly undermines trust, they should have the honesty and maturity to step aside and allow others to lead.
- Communities also need clearer norms regarding consent, digital behaviour, conflict resolution, and post-breakup participation within shared spaces.
- Both men and women may need support in handling emotional situations more maturely, directly, and respectfully.
- The purpose of discussing these cases is not to create hostility between genders, nor to publicly shame individuals. It is to encourage safer, kinder, and more emotionally aware community spaces.
With this in mind, I have requested Dhruv to take up gender-sensitisation work and gradually integrate it into other training activities. There is evidence that men training other men on issues of gender sensitivity can sometimes reduce defensiveness and improve openness. Women members are also encouraged to conduct orientation sessions for WWS — especially around personal boundaries, communication, avoiding assumptions, and learning to assert one’s rights openly rather than remaining trapped in silence or anonymity.
Finally, I urge everyone to revisit the foundational documents of The Indian Stammering Association (available on stammer.in under “About Us”) and reflect on why nine PWS came together in YMCA Mumbai in 2007, for the first time?? What were they trying to achieve?
Let me close with something I once observed in my own residential area.
The municipality built a small public park meant for children to play and elderly people to walk. But gradually the place became unusable. Every morning there were used syringes, empty liquor bottles, and signs of substance abuse scattered all around. During the day too, shadowy groups occupied corners of the park. Slowly, families stopped going there. Children shifted elsewhere. Residents bought stationary cycles to work out at home. The original purpose of the park was forgotten — not because the majority were bad people, but because good people quietly withdrew. They were happy in their comfort zone.
That can happen to TISA too.
Before expressing righteous anger against one another, each of us should pause and ask honestly:
“What have I personally done to preserve the spirit, safety, and purpose of the TISA platform?”
Let me end with a15 min video about Truth and Reconciliation proceedings from South Africa, which have moved many people including me; which explores personal loss, injustice, forgiveness and redemption . Please watch it.
https://youtu.be/YY-ee1hhghQ?si=-8ucCtkySJfjszve
“Justice asks: What do you deserve?
Forgiveness asks: What future is still possible?
A humane society must learn to hold both questions together.”
